Heartbreak

Heartbreak doesn't always have to be because you just broke up with your significant other. It also occurs when you realize that a friend isn't making the necessary effort in keeping the friendship together. If the person doesn't make the effort to even talk to you, it's time to let the friendship go. This is my lesson in learning to let go, I guess.

Growing Pains

The pains of growing up:

Letting go of the people who don't make you happy anymore

Learning that not every guy will want to marry you
Difficult trials
Realizing who your real friends are
Facing the real world and all it entails

 
The joys of growing up:

Enjoying each new day 
Watching the sun set
Spending time with family
Having those tough times to make you a stronger person
Reminiscing the good ole days 
Making new friends 
Having that one friend I can talk to about anything


(There are many more pains and joys in life, but these are the only ones I could come up with).

In the end, the joys of life out weigh the pain. In the moment we may think that this trial will never end. But let me tell you something, it will. The biggest trial I have ever faced in my life is still ongoing, but I will be able to get through it. I will not lie, I have had so many thoughts of just giving up. I know that giving up is not the answer. If I gave up, then the enemy would win. It's not the light at the end of the tunnel that is helping me along, it's the light throughout the tunnel that is making this journey a little easier.

I Deserve Happiness

I deserve everything that makes me happy. And those people who have not been there for me, then today is the day that I will no longer let you drag me down. These people I speak of probably don't know that they have affected me negatively, but all the same, they have. And I let them. Its days like this that I love. I realize that I have been dragged down to the deepest hole in the darkness. It's like the story of the lobster being cooked, the lobster had no idea what was happening to him until it was too late. But today, I write to tell you that I will not let other people's silence make me silent. No. We only let people influence our lives if we let them. I have learned that other people's opinions or judgements should not affect you to the point where you feel defeated. I will not let these people's lack of conversation drag me down any further. Today is the day that I will put them behind me. I deserve happiness.

Family

I have always been grateful for my family, but until this year I didn't know how much they really mean to me. They have been there for me when I needed them most. My parents dropped everything and came and got me from school because I was going through a really rough time. That time is not over, but I'm on a brighter road than I was before. It feels so good being home.

We may have things in our lives that really challenge us, whether it be school or just life in general. But let's not ever forget that there must be a certain darkness to see the stars. Those stars are one of the most beautiful things on this planet. We must go through certain trials in life to truly understand ourselves. We all go through a phase when we search for ourselves and try to understand why this one thing brings us down. But we need to learn to embrace our weaknesses and make them as if they are our strengths. No one will be wiser. If you have a tough time with this, fake it until you mean it; it works, trust me. 

Focus on the positive. If you do this then you will be a much happier person. If there are people who do not offer to help you when you are going through a tough time and they can sense it, then forget them. Focus on yourself and heal. Those who really matter in your life will at least make an effort to stay in your life and offer a hand. My question for you is: Why do some people not talk to you when they know you are going through a tough trial? 

I cannot say it enough, I am so grateful for my family! I would not be in the state I am without them. Even though I may not show it sometimes, I love them so much that words cannot express it! I frickin' love my family!

We All Have Our Struggles

I decided that I should write a little about my personal life because I just needed to get it out in some form :) So here it goes!

I know the majority of my posts have been about struggles. It's because I'm going through some of my own and I need to write some positive words for myself so that I can go back and read them when I am having a bad day. This past week has been probably one of the toughest in awhile. I won't go into any grueling detail, but it hasn't been pretty. As some of you know, I am going home this weekend for the rest of the semester. Why? To figure out things, my life. There's more to it, but that's all I'm going to say. One thing that has helped me a lot through out yesterday and today is an email that I got yesterday. This person, let's give him the name of Michael for the sake of privacy. Michael and I have written nearly every week while he is on his mission. He has one year left, and it can't go by fast enough. People ask if I am waiting for him, I tell them that if I don't have a serious boyfriend before then, then yes. But if I do find someone I could marry before he gets home, then so be it. But anyways, I wrote him Sunday telling him what is going on in my life right now and he wrote back the next day saying that he has gone through the exact same thing. It is so comforting that someone that close to me has gone through the same thing I am going through right now. It differs from person to person, but it's so nice to have someone to talk to who actually understands what I am going through even if he is 3,000 miles away. 

Aside from all the personal stuff, the quote above has helped me deal with my trials that I am going through right now. Some nights I go to bed almost in tears because that day was so hard, but I know that if I just cry it out and pray for strength for the next day, I will be able to make it through in one piece. We all go through trials to make us stronger. We may be weak now, but over time we will be able to overcome our struggles and be stronger for it. We may not feel strong now, but we will. You will be strong after this is all over, just give yourself time. The influential people of our time were not born over night, they labored all their lives to become who they are now. Patience is key to life. Everything happens in its own time. We may want a certain trial over and done with, but we have to go through it to become the person we are meant to become. Things that are hard to come by and take time, are the best things to have in life. Our most treasured friendships have been well taken care of and we strive to keep them alive. But that isn't without great sacrifice and heartache. If you stay friends with someone for longer than a few months, then it's likely that you have gone through a rough patch. But if you care enough about that person, then you will do anything to repair the damage, and your friendship will be stronger because of it. When we have setbacks of any sort in a relationship, we need to learn to talk to the other person about it. If we talk about the road blocks, then we will know what the other person is thinking and you won't have to encounter any awkwardness further down the road. Treasure the friendships you have now and nurture them. But one of the most important friendships you can have is with your family because no matter what, your family will always be there for you. When we are going through something hard, turn towards your family and they will help you through it. This is one thing that I have learned this past week. My family will always be there for me, even when I don't want to talk to them. They have always been there for me, even when I had no idea that they were. I'm giving a huge shout out to my mom, dad, sister, and brother for being there for me when I am going through this trial. I love you guys to the moon and back! Stay close to your family and you will always have a listening ear for when you need to talk :) One thing that Michael told me that has helped me was "Mads, life gets tough, that is life. If it wasn't tough something is wrong in the heavens. But things are hard for you. Good that means God still loves you. I have a thought for you, a quote more or less. "Satan wants to bring us down. What he doesn't realize is that in the process he is bringing us to our knees, where we can be humbled before God."" When we face tough trials, we need to realize that God is putting us through this because he loves us and knows that this trial will make us a better person. Be strong, you've got this. You can do it, I know you can. Keep finding things that make you happy, whether it be reading a book or being around certain people, go do it and be happy! You have been given life, the least you can do is enjoy it and be happy! Even as hard as it may be some days to be happy, know that tomorrow will be better :)

Thanks for reading! Until next time :)

Madi

Look for the Positive

We may not be satisfied with who we are today. We all encounter setbacks, whether great or small. It takes time to overcome these obstacles. We need to allow ourselves the time we need to recover from the setbacks of life. Some days will be better than others, but we need to stay positive and focus on the moments that make us happy. Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy. Start right now. You may not want to be happy because life is dragging you down and you see no other choice. But look around you, there is always at least one person who is willing to aide you to your own rescue. Always. We may not realize it, but we have support in everyday situations, whether good or bad. Life might throw us curve balls, but we need to intercept the curve balls with the right angle. That angle just might save us from ourselves. Not "just might", it will.We are stronger than we think we are. Keep your chin up. If today is your worst day, it can only get better from here, right? Don't stop trying. You got this. Stay positive. Smile :) You are an amazing person, and who is to tell you that you aren't?! Punch them in the face...seriously, it'll make you feel better ;) You, my darling, are closer today than you were yesterday to becoming the person you have always wanted to become. Look up, the sun is shining, you should be shining too. Shine on. Look for the positive in your life.

Have Faith in Yourself

We must have a little more faith in ourselves. We think we cannot go through with something because it's just too hard. Yes, it may be hard, but it's never too hard if you have help at your side. If you have someone helping you along the way, it makes everything that much easier to face. Find that one person that you trust enough to drop all your worries and struggles on. When you can begin to walk on your own, continue to have that faith in yourself that you can pull through this tough time. I know that I've said this in multiple of my posts lately, but I believe in you, you can do this. You are stronger than you think you are.

You Can Do it, I Know You Can

As life goes on, we encounter different obstacles, we become stronger with every stride we take. We may feel weak and useless now, but that inadequacy will turn into strength. We may know what to do but don't have the mental strength to do it. But let me tell you something, you can do it. If I can do it, so can you. Have the faith in yourself to follow through. If you don't have faith in yourself, know that I have faith in you.

There is Ability in Every Disability

I have always loved this quote. This man is an inspiration. When I was younger I always thought that I had a disability, but boy was I wrong. I have it great compared to some people. As I grew up, I never really let my leg bother me. I have never had muscle in my left leg, and probably never will, and I'm okay with that. I embrace it. One thing that I tell myself whenever I am doubting in my ability to do hard things, I say, "You, my darling are strong. You are a miracle. You are on this earth for a reason, a reason you may not know of yet, but you are someone's reason for living. You can and will pull through. You are an amazing person, I believe in you." I am eternally grateful that I was given this blessing to see how precious life is. I would like to say that I have always had a positive outlook on life. I will always love life, even if it is hard sometimes. I cannot express to you how much I am grateful for every trial I have been given in life. When I look back, I realize that it has all made me the person I am today. People ask if I would rewind to any point in my life and redo anything, I say, "No, I am the person I am today because of what I have learned from all those hard times and good times." If we strive to always have a positive outlook on life, we will be a happier people, and we will realize how blessed we truly are. Don't count your hardships or your disabilities, count your blessings-you will then realize how blessed you are, and you will smile that much bigger. Be positive. Be happy. Love life and live it to the fullest.

Take Risks

I absolutely love this quote!



Life is all about taking risks. If we do not do those things that scare us most, we will never overcome them. Life is full of risks and are necessary to become the people we are meant to become. But the choices we make are ours, and ours alone, no one can make them for us. If we find the courage within ourselves to conquer the hard things, we will be stronger than we were before. In the moment, we may think we are inadequate for the task at hand, but we can and will pull through, it may be a hard and long process, but you can do it. If you (yes, you reading this post) are going through a something that seems impossible to overcome, don't give up. You can do it, I know you can. It may drain you of your strength for today, but you can do it. Draining today of it's strength, only leaves you that much wiser for tomorrow and you will know how to deal with it in the future. Take the risks life gives you, you will not regret it.

I'm Still Single...Surprise, Surprise

I may regret saying all of this, but here it goes.
Want to know my darkest secret? Here it is: I've never kissed a guy. *gasp* I know right?! I'm actually okay with that. But one thing that I have been talking about for the longest time is how much I want a relationship. It may be a bad thing to want a relationship, but it's the truth. I wish I could just go up to someone I may or may not like (yes, there is a certain someone) and ask them out on a date. That would be awesome because I could spend more time with him, but it was on my terms, not his. Like one of my friends said this weekend, "When a guy asks you on a date, you know that he likes you to some degree. But if you ask them, you never really know." So I'll just wait I guess. My train of thought is that if I asked him on a date, it may be awkward. Yuck. But one thing I have been telling myself is stated below in picture/quote form. I need to have the patience and wait. I hate waiting, but I'll do it. If only he would get the drift that I like him. Now that's wishful thinking. Oh well, life goes on; boyfriend or not.

Pain of Discipline

This quote is one of the reasons why I am in the condition I am in at this point. This last week I was going through some major internal debates. I was a wreck, to say the least. I have come out of my cave known as my room and it feels so good. I have been so self-indulged lately that I basically had depression (and I don't use that term loosely, I use that term for what it really means--true depression). It was the hardest thing to get out of bed in the mornings and I just didn't want to deal with anything or talk to anyone. I am not fully out of this rut, but today was my first day out of the apartment and actually did something with multiple people and I really enjoyed it. As of today I will choose the pain of discipline rather than the pain of regret because I will never know what I might miss out on if I flake out on everything I have ever known. Also, I will be happier if I stay true to what I know what is right deep down. I'm not sure of anything at this point, but it's okay because I don't have to have it all figured out to move forward.

My Ramblings

Those who we tell our secrets to are typically our confidants. Sometimes when we tell someone the things we were hesitant to tell anyone else, they give us advice and tell us what they think. Sometimes we don't want their words, they may be words we need to hear, but we are not ready to hear them. Those whom I have told, don't be disappointed in me. I know fully well what I am doing. I am disappointed in myself and am beating myself up about it. But I need to do this. I need to follow through. I need this break. I have lived my life to please others. I am making the change now to live my life for me. I don't care what anyone else thinks about what I do with my life. It's my life. If you don't approve, go die in a hole. Some people may think I'm throwing my life down the drain by doing this, but it's the only way I can truly get back onto my own two feet. It may take awhile, but I'll get there eventually.

Being Withdrawn

As many people know, I have been withdrawn for reasons that I will not explain. I saw this quote today and thought it explained my situation perfectly.

Smile! :)

 

You know that moment when you are so worn down with everything that you forget to smile? Yep, that’s me today. Darn you college.

I keep telling myself that whenever I have a bad day; there is never a bad day, just bad moments. Turn that pouty face into a smiley one. Smile even though you are having a tough time, it makes you feel better :) After all, you are most beautiful when you have a smile. :) 

RISKY!

You know when you send a very risky text or email? Uh, yeah, I just sent a risky email. YIKES! We'll see what the response is... Here's to sweaty palms and a frantic mind! (Should I have really sent that?!)

You, My Darling, Are Strong

Yes, I know I just finished a post but I saw this quote and I could not go on without saying something that came to my mind. Here's the quote:

Even though you may feel inadequate to face your road of trials, you are strong.

Even though you feel like breaking down and giving up, you are strong.

Even though life throws you seemingly impossible curve balls, you are strong.

Even though the voice in your head tells you that you are worthless, you are strong.

Even though you feel an emptiness inside you, you are strong.

Even though you feel like you can't get up, you are strong.

You, my darling, are strong. No matter what anyone says.

If the hard things are lingering in your life, face them head on and don't shy away. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to take a step back and assess what is happening, but don't step back too far. Even if you do step back too far, you have two feet, walk forward. Even though it may be the hardest thing you have done, I know you can do it. I believe in you. You are strong.

You can do this. You, my darling, are strong.

Don't ever give up, there are better days ahead.

To whoever is reading this, I love you. 

Madi

Why So Quiet?

 People ask me why I'm so quiet, and sometimes withdrawn. Here's the explanation: 

Amazing Les Miserables Video!

If you like Les Miserables, go to the link below. You won't regret it! This man has a breathtaking voice! My favorite is Jean Valjean.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9IWAxSpgKA

First Post, AH!

DISCLAIMER: This is my first blog post ever, so bear with me :)

Today is best I have felt in a VERY long time. And I wanted to tell someone about it, even if it is just a white wall.

Let's start off with the thing that started my day off so great. But before I get to that...I am currently studying psychology at BYU-Idaho for those of you who don't know. Anyways, at the beginning of the semester, a mere three weeks ago, I was taking 17 credits. Yes, I know, I was crazy. So this morning I dropped my hardest class, so now I only have 14 credits!!! I feel as if I can stand that much taller:) So now I start Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's at 10:15am instead of at 9. It's heaven, I tell you! Even it is only an hour difference:) 

If you saw me today grinning ear to ear, then it may or may not have been caused by a certain email from a certain someone:) He just knows what to say to make my day better, especially when I'm going through a tough time. So glad I have such a great friend I can turn to. 

Not only did I have a great day because of dropping a class and getting an email, but also because I had a great time with my roommates and FHE brothers up at the sand dunes here in Rexburg. Also, three of my roommates and I went grocery shopping tonight (that in its self was a fun adventure) and I not only bought stuff for me, but I also got some stuff for some friends. I forgot how much I love doing random nice things for people! I need to do it more often!

I have so much to say but I need to go to bed! But one last thing...my quote for the day, "We can't always see where the road leads, but God promises there's something better up ahead we just have to trust him." This quote really hit home for me because I sometimes have trust issues, so I have to keep telling myself over and over again that I can get through this IF I trust in the Lord.

Until next time! Have a great day! And remember to smile, it helps! :)

Madi